


Drop of Glass

by encryptiid



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Dramatic Loki (Marvel), Dramatic Tony Stark, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, FrostIron - Freeform, Harm to Children, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Intent to Harm Infant, Jealousy, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Mild Gore, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Only One Instance Of Explicit Abuse, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Practically No One is Heterosexual, Slow Burn, Soulmates See Each Other in Reflections, Then it is Only Mentioned/Implied, Tony sees Loki's Jotunn Form in his Reflection, Trickster Loki (Marvel), side pairings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23981929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/encryptiid/pseuds/encryptiid
Summary: In a universe where mortals see their soulmates in their reflections, it comes as quite a shock to Loki when he suddenly sees a sleeping infant in his reflection one night. How could he, an Aesir, be soulmates with a mortal? On the flip side, Tony Stark struggles to live with the otherworldly blue man he’s seen in the mirror his whole life. Loki never plans on accepting this cruel joke that the Norns have played on him. Tony concludes that his soulmate isn’t real and that his brain simply has a glitch causing this strange hallucination. A battle for the ages, orchestrated by a cosmic evil, brings these two souls together, at last, and their paths cross over a road littered with blood and bargains. The most ironic part of this meeting is that they don't even recognize each other.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 36
Kudos: 127





	1. Drop of Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki discovers that his soulmate is a mortal and must decide how to proceed with that information. Be kind to yourself and mind the tags.

Jarvis was preparing a bottle for his new charge when Howard Stark finally arrived at the manor having been delayed at the labs. Mrs. Stark was already asleep, exhausted from the labor of childbirth. The doctors were relieved that they could leave soon, now that Howard was there to follow up with them over how the procedure went. It was still another half an hour before Howard made it to the tiny bundle in Jarvis's arms. 

Jarvis handed the child off to his father, making sure the other man had Anthony securely in his arms before stepping away. Howard had his usual impassive expression but with the slightest hint of softness around his eyes. Jarvis stepped out of the nursery but didn't go far just in case. He stood by a window and wondered about little Anthony and how he would grow; If his parents would grow with him. 

A slight movement brought Jarvis's attention to the window next to him that overlooked the woods that lined the manor. Light snow fell gently from the night sky illuminated by the moonlight peeking through the clouds. 

_Odd_ , he thought to himself, _snow in the middle of May._ Howard called for him to return and he obeyed, the peculiar weather leaving his thoughts as a soft cry took all of his attention.

* * *

Soft ripples traveled the water's surface as Loki submerged himself, washing dirt and blood from his pale skin. The movement caused the pool to twinkle as the moon's light danced along with the tiny waves. He could still faintly hear Thor and his imbecile cohorts being drunk and loud at their nearby camp, ruining an otherwise peaceful night. He could be studying in the archives or practicing illusions with mother but Thor just had to drag him on another of his "hunting expeditions" that are nothing more than a group of idiots drunkenly attacking wildlife. 

These woods had plenty of dangerous creatures roaming the brush at this time of night but Loki wasn't worried. Even without his signature daggers, he is never fully unarmed. So when he saw something below him moving he froze ready to strike whatever had snuck up to him in the water with his deadly magic. 

When the water settled he finally could make out what was out of place in the water and his eyes widened. Right, where his reflection should be on the water's surface the perfect image of a tiny infant lay sleeping peacefully wrapped in cloth. Loki didn't dare move and disrupt the picture as he waited to see what would happen. The child shifted like someone was adjusting it in their arms, shocking Loki into disrupting the water and distorting the image. 

He was then on high alert scanning the woods around him for anything or anyone that could be causing this illusion. He found nothing even when he reached out searching with his magic. All he found was a few small woodland creatures and Thor and his friends. He checked the water and nothing changed, the child still slept unbothered even when Loki skimmed his fingers lightly over its image. 

Strange magic was happening here and Loki couldn't be sure of its intent. From what he could tell there was no castor and no energy signature he could easily trace. It simply… was. He debated just teleporting straight to mother but decided against that action. Something told him he needed to be discreet and not alert Thor or anyone else of his dilemma. He would have to wait until the trip ended and they returned home in a few weeks. 

He quickly finished washing and changed back into his clothes before returning to the camp. He put his mask of indifference back on when the drunks threw taunts at him for _bathing_. Barbarians the lot of them; content to sit in their own filth. It was going to be a _long_ hunt. 

* * *

When they finally arrived back at the palace Loki slipped away from his brother in favor of finding his mother, the blond-haired oaf none the wiser. He finds Frigga in her quarters alone reading but she puts the book aside as soon as her son enters the room. 

"Loki, my dear, I'm glad to see you back home safe." She smiled gently as Loki embraced his mother before sitting in the chair beside her. "Why aren't you feasting with your brother? You know he likes to celebrate after a hunt." She interrogated. Loki holds back a cringe at the thought of being stuck with those idiots for any longer.

"I wanted to see you, mother. Something… something strange has been happening to me. Some sort of magic I don't understand." Her face grew serious as she looked him over, not just at his physical appearance but no doubt looking for any hints of the magic he speaks of.

"A strange magic? I can't detect anything out of place in your mana and no trace of someone else's. What are you experiencing?" Loki tells her everything starting from his interrupted nighttime bath to the present, relaying all his observations. She mostly let him talk, and only interrupted a few times with questions. Her expression grew direr the more he explained and that was worrying.

"My son… this situation is more difficult than you know." She takes his hands in her own and he looks at her questioningly.

"Mother, what do you mean…?" Loki asks bracing to hear that he's been cursed or something of that nature. He wouldn't be surprised with the number of people he's pissed off over the last few millennia.

"You have not been targeted by any mage but this _is_ magic. Very old magic from Yggdrasil herself." That is not what Loki expected to hear. "You've heard of soulmates, yes?" He nods, everyone has at this point of age. What this had to do with seeing a baby in his reflection he doesn't know. 

"Two souls tied together by the tree of life herself, halves to each other's whole. Many millennia may pass before one crosses paths with their soulmate. For immortals, this isn't very daunting and if neither of the souls prematurely loses their lives most have a decent chance at finding their soulmate. Once you do meet them something clicks and you just _know_. I still remember when it happened with your father and me so long ago." She looks away, the past playing out in her golden eyes.

"Mother? Why are you telling me all this?" Loki asks, bringing her back to the present. She looks at him sadly before continuing.

"For mortal beings things are different. They weren't blessed with time to wait so their odds of meeting their soulmates were much slimmer. The Norms took pity on the magicless mortals and wove a powerful spell so that when mortals look into their reflection they see their soulmate and their soulmate sees them. This gives them better odds of finding each other in their lifetime." 

"I don't recall ever reading anything about this in my studies," Loki says, not sure what to make of this information. Not wanting to believe what his mother is trying to tell him.

"The Aesir had no need for such information and the only documentation of this event was in a book in Vanaheim that was destroyed in the last war. No need until now, because _this_ has never happened before to my knowledge." She said solemnly.

"What do you mean _this_ has never happened before?" Loki asked, hoping for an answer that doesn't exist.

"Loki, my son, you are a clever boy, always have been." She says practically confirming what Loki has already figured out. Loki stands abruptly nearly knocking over his char.

"This can't be, how can I be mated to a _mortal_?" Loki asked knowing there isn't a real answer.

"We can't begin to understand the Norns. But, my son, you know what must happen now?" She said guilt in her tone. Of course, Loki knew.

"Father…" he said softly.

"Yes dear, you know I can't keep something like this from him." He hated it but knew she was right.

On the way to the throne room, they detoured to avoid the boisterous dining hall where Thor resided. Frigga kept sending her son looks of pity but Loki ignored them as his mind reeled. How could this happen? Why him? Is he destined to be a disappointment through and through? Weak and an even weaker soulmate. He will be a disdain to the kingdom even further. Thor would never let him live this down. Hopefully, the Allfather can think of how to fix this and without making Loki into the kingdom’s spectacle.

Loki and Frigga enter the gold plated throne room and she rushes to Odin’s ear and whispers. Odin looks to his son and shock quickly appears on his wrinkled face before it is once again masked. He gestures for the room to clear and soon all who remain are Loki, Frigga, Odin, and Heimdall who has suddenly appeared at the Allfather's side. Loki holds back a glare aimed at the gatekeeper. 

"Loki, is what your mother speaks of true?" Odin asked.

"Yes, Allfather," Loki says his indifferent mask firmly in place.

"This is troubling news. A Prince of Asgard and a mortal… this cannot be left." Loki mentally flinches.

"Father-"

"Loki you may think me harsh for this but know this. Everything I do is because I know it's what’s best for you and this kingdom. Remember that." Odin continues cutting off whatever Loki was about to say.

Here it comes. Banishment. "Father, I’m sorry-" He puts up his hand to silence me. 

"No apologies, Loki. I can’t fault you for what is not in your control." _But you can think less of me._ Loki doesn't say this but he does bow his head unable to look Odin in the eye. "Heimdall. Locate this mortal and see that this problem is corrected." At this Loki snaps his attention to his father. 

Frigga speaks up, "My king you can’t possibly mean to-"

"I must," Odin says resolutely.

"It is his _soulmate_ , Odin." She argues. _It doesn't matter._

"It is a _mortal_ ." _None of this matters._

"But, _Odin-_ " _He will do as he wants._

"It wouldn’t even live long enough to see Loki reach full adulthood, Frigga. I cannot let a _mortal_ have power over a member of this family. There is much we don’t know of mortal bonds and what they entail. I will not risk this kingdom even for Loki." Loki felt his heart harden even more. 

"Yes, father, I understand," Loki says emotionless. 

Heimdall's deep voice rumbles from his place at Odin's side, "My king, who shall be sent?" 

"Whoever won’t ask or wonder the reasoning behind their mission." Loki saw an opportunity to prove his loyalty to his father and ensure no one else ever knows of this. 

"I will do it, Father," Loki spoke up.

"Loki…" Frigga said sadly. She was ignored.

The Allfather just looked at him calculating. "Would you be able to handle that, my Prince? Even without time to form a true bond, it takes a strong will to kill your own soulmate." 

"I will and I must, Father. It is not a task I could live with leaving for another. This is my problem to fix". After a moment and mother looking at him with resigned sadness, Odin speaks. 

"I despise it." Loki holds his breath involuntarily. "But... that does seem to be the ideal option." 

Loki knew his father cared not for Lokis’ feelings but the risk of someone else leaking information to the kingdom. An embarrassment best left avoided.

"I won’t let you down Allfather." With a nod and one last look to his mother Loki left for the Bifrost with Heimdall.

* * *

Loki struggled not to think of what he’s about to do while he walked the familiar road to the Bifrost. He focuses on the path before him and the strength of his posture. They arrive at the platform too soon and he faces the gatekeeper finding himself already being studied under that uneasy gaze. Loki could detect a hint of pity in the man’s orange eyes and fixed him with a hard glare. 

Heimdall closed off the little bit of emotion in his eyes and asked where he was sending him. Without warning, Loki poked a finger to Heimdall’s temple making him tense. He dropped an image of the infant into the gatekeeper's mind just outside of his fortified mental barriers. The man gave Loki a hard look, a warning, before walking away to overlook the void. Searching. 

It took only a few minutes before he was signaling for Loki that he was ready to transport him. 

"Oh, I’m not traveling the Bifrost. This is a _stealth_ mission. Just tell me the location and I’ll handle the rest, gatekeeper." With a tired sigh, Heimdall told Loki what he needed to find the mortal and in a wave of green, the trickster was gone and in a forest on the other side of Asgard.

He made sure no one was nearby before walking through a secret pathway hidden in the space between a tree and a cliff, the only indication of it being there is a shimmer in the air where light passes through it and gets lost. Then he's walking along the branches of Yggdrasil herself. 

Loki always wondered if his father knows he does this because he has never said anything and Heimdall never let on whether he informs his king whenever his youngest son disappears from his Vision. Loki has mastered evading his watchful Eyes and even when he steps down from Yggdrasil onto Midgard soil in a different, much younger, forest, he makes sure he is hidden from sight. No one gets to see what is about to happen but Loki himself. 

After checking how far this pathway is from his target using a simple locator spell, Loki teleports the rest of the way. He appears at a house, grand by mortal standards. He assumes. Loki walks right into the building invisible to the eyes of the mortals around him. There aren’t many of them as it _is_ the middle of the night after all. Just the help seemed to be awake at this hour.

He listens in on conversations in his search for the child. Two of the workers saying something about bringing up a bottle to feed Young Anthony catches Loki’s attention. Anthony… He follows a man carrying a tray with said milk container to a room on the fourth floor of the building. He slips into the room right behind the man and a woman is stood rocking a bundle of blankets back and forth. 

She grabs the milk from the man and speaks quietly, "Really, Jarvis, Anthony isn’t even a month old and he’s already passed onto us. He won't know who his parents are until he’s old enough to be told." 

Jarvis looked to the door and shushed the woman whose voice had grown in volume. "Rita please watch your tone. I understand your grievances but Sir has a company to run." Loki zoned out at this time. He doesn’t care much for the chattel of mortals. 

He will wait for the older mortals to leave the child unattended before he acts. Loki ignores the tender way the mortals coo at and care for the child who has since stopped crying. He has yet to look at the thing. Thankfully It’s not too long before the child is asleep and left alone in the dark of the room. 

Steeling himself Loki approaches the crib. He has a spell ready that will make it appear like the child simply stopped breathing in its sleep. The incantation was on the tip of his tongue and his hands ready to do the motions needed to finish this once and for all but before he could execute the spell Loki felt his whole body freeze. 

The infant’s eyes were open and staring at him. He couldn’t breathe. The child just stared at him with what could almost be intelligence in its big brown eyes. Too much intelligence for being only a few weeks old. 

Loki pulled out a knife, his hands far too shaky to pull off the spell. With heavy hands, he slowly reached into the crib and lined the knife up with the child's heart. It will be quick and painless, over before his little body knows what happened. He looked at the child with what he hoped was hate in his eyes. Weak. Insignificant. _Mortal._ A smear on his soul. How could this _thing_ be his other half? 

The thing in question reaches out and touches the tip of his blade, cutting its fragile skin immediately. Tears well up in his eyes at the pain and blood drips down its tiny hands. Loki’s heart lurches without his permission. The child lets out a soft cry and Loki slips the knife back into a dimensional pocket. He feels incredibly ancient and like a juvenile at the same time. 

"Shhh, it’s okay," he tells the weeping infant. He rubs a finger over the cut and all traces of it disappear. The child is still scared from the shock of pain and continues to cry. Loki creates a dusting of green lights in the air above the crib and the infant stares in awe, his fear forgotten. He contorts the magic and it takes the form of a kitten. Loki smiles at the giggles caused by the magic kitten bouncing through the air chasing the lights. 

After a few more moments of this Loki sighs heavily and with a wave of his hand the child falls back into a peaceful sleep. 

* * *

Loki makes sure he appears back at the Bifrost when he makes it back to Asgard so that it is reported back to his father that this is where he reentered the city. 

Heimdall is still there as expected and he looks at Loki like he's never seen him before. Damn. Forgot about him. Loki levels a challenging look at Heimdall. He matches it. 

All Loki says is, "It is done."

"Are you sure of this Loki?" The other man replies.

"It is _done_ , Heimdall," He reiterates. Another minute of staring each other down. With a deep sigh, the gatekeeper relents. 

"If he asks I cannot lie to my king," The gatekeeper warns.

"Do what you will, I do not care." With that Loki left turned and strolled off the rainbow bridge and back to his quarters. 

Heimdall sighed again once alone, truly exhausted. He peered once again at the tiny mortal that has managed to be spared by Loki. He wonders briefly how this little infant will somehow come back to bite them all in the ass.

When the Allfather asks Heimdall what came of the situation all he says is that Loki did what he had to. The Allfather accepts that answer asking no more.

* * *

Back on Midgard, Jarvis is befuddled by what looks like a drop of blood on an uninjured baby’s jumper.


	2. Reach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Loki over the years. This heavily follows Tony and his early life and how he copes (or doesn't cope) with having an alien as a soulmate. WARNING: One instance of explicit child abuse and then mentions of implied abuse. Be kind to yourself and mind the tags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a gremlin who must post what they made as soon as they're done so I haven't had someone proofread this yet uwu I will make edits if I manage to get someone to proofread it. I edit and try to fix mistakes as best as I can but I doubt I caught everything, please bear with me, homies.

Without the memory of his soulmate's visit many months ago, or even knowledge of what a soulmate _is_ , Tony crawls around his mother’s room under Jarvis’s watchful eye while Maria Stark gets ready for a gala later that day. Tony is making his way towards a shiny pair of shoes when he catches his reflection for the first time in his mother's floor-length mirror. His nursery, where he spends most days in, doesn’t have a mirror so this is his first experience with one. 

He freezes, staring at the glass in wonder _and_ confusion. He sees Jarvis and his mother behind him. The mirror-Jarvis smiles and waves, prompting Tony to turn and see if the actual Jarvis is also waving. What perplexes the one-year-old is that he does not see _himself_ in the mirror. Where he should be instead he sees a very tall person with red eyes and blue skin covered in strange lines. They are also wearing odd clothes Tony has never seen before. Confused, but not scared, he looks closer, leaning so that his face is an inch from the glass, but he was still unable to comprehend what he was looking at. 

The person’s face isn’t very expressive and their mouth is moving but no words can be heard. Their face then twists into a smirk and they flaunt a dismissive hand to something Tony can't see. Tony looks down at his not blue hands and then the blue ones in the mirror where his hands should be. Giving up on trying to understand, he starts to giggle finding the situation to be quite silly. Tony thinks that the pretty blue person looks kinda like mommy’s favorite blue dress and he laughs to himself finding that thought silly as well. 

Jarvis watches his young master in amusement finding the laughter quite adorable even though he doesn’t understand where it’s coming from. But, fearing that the mirror may fall from the toddler leaning on it, he picks Tony up to take him to his nursery for lunch. To his surprise, Tony begins to cry as soon as they are about to exit the room, reaching out for the mirror. Jarvis tries to calm the boy down but Tony’s a squirming mess in his arms trying to get back to the mirror. Jarvis says to Rita, as she approaches to help him, that Tony must have just seen his soulmate in that mirror. They wonder who will be having that talk with the boy whenever he's old enough to understand. Likely the task will be left to them.

* * *

Loki never checked his reflection, even now, _months_ after he left Midgard. It pains him not to know, but something keeps him from checking whether Heimdall ratted on him and if someone else was sent to finish what he was too weak to. It would make sense that the man would go straight to Odin, but other than one time when his mother attempted to comfort him, the subject of his soulmate is never mentioned again by anyone. 

After a rough night of once again being the subject of jokes by Thor and The Warrior Three, Loki is stuck feeling inadequate. _'Why bother with tricks'_ , they taunt. _'Pick up a sword and fight like a warrior for once, leave the magic to the healers'_. Going as far as saying that they can have weapon crafted light enough to not weigh down his _'delicate hands'_. 

Weak they think him to be, but isn't his 'tricks' what ends up saving their asses again and again? Loki's father doesn’t care to stop the disrespect aimed at his youngest son and so it will never stop. But still, Loki refuses to degrade himself by ignoring his affinity for magic, even if he would gain him respect from his peers at last.

Loki is alone in his quarters when he makes the self-destructive decision to be even more upset. He walks up to the mirror he had covered with a sheet, feet dragging, but determined none the less. When he uncovers the mirror he is surprised to see the young boy that he was pretty sure had been assassinated by now. Loki's understanding of Heimdall changes once again, the man an ever unraveling mystery. 

The surprise wears off, and now, looking at the child and knowing it will still grow and likely live on for years to come, he can feel nothing but resentment growing in his chest. He debates going back to Midgard but relents knowing he still wouldn’t be able to kill it. Mortality will finish it off in enough time. 

Still, Loki watches the human, not done being toxic to himself. He notices that the child's expression is one of surprise but then it shifts to wonder. Loki briefly wonders why, until the child then smiles and _waves_ at him, now seeming to stare directly into Loki’s eyes. Loki is then reminded of when those intelligent brown eyes saved the boy’s life. 

Resentment and spite fill Loki's mind. _Filthy mortal_. Weak. Puny. _Insignificant_. Now all Loki sees in the mirror is his biggest flaw being reflected back at him. How _dare_ this mortal peer into Loki’s private moments? How dare he think himself _worthy_ enough to take in the glory of a _god_. As Loki stares back he makes sure to put as much hate into the stare as he can. 

The boy tilts his head in confusion, eyes filling with tears. He reaches his hands towards Loki as if he could reach through the glass. In a fit of fury and frustration, Loki shatters the glass with a swipe of his hand. _Not fury. Fear._ A voice in his head whispers. _Fear that those hands would reach you, shattering all that you are, all that you believe_. Loki grips his temple trying to shut the voice out but he can't because it's _his_ voice. A single tear he refuses to acknowledge drips audibly onto a shard of glass.

He vows to never have the mirror replaced and tries not to think of the teary brown eyes he's sure is watching him. 

* * *

Jarvis and Rita have moved a mirror into Tony’s nursery and often watch as the toddler reacts with giggles to something they cannot see. One day Tony is staring at the blue person in his mirror and is shocked when they look back at him for the first time. It never occurred to him that they could see him too. Delighted by this Tony smiles his biggest smiles and waves at them. They do not smile back. They just stare at Tony, their expression growing darker until they are practically sneering at him. 

For the first time, Tony feels scared while looking at the mirror. He begins to cry and reach for them, hoping to make them feel better. Tony doesn’t know how he made them mad at him. But then they swing a clawed hand at Tony, startling him, causing him to flinch back and fall on his behind painfully. He then watches how they cover their eyes and cry before turning away from Tony. He feels incredibly guilty but can't think of what he did to make them so upset with him.

Jarvis returns from a quick errand to find Tony with his face tucked into his knees, crying inconsolably. 

Tony is almost two years old when he finally starts speaking actual words and sentences, skipping new growth milestones every day. It’s already recognizable that he has inherited his father’s brilliant mind. Recognizable by the house staff at least. Now that he can understand what he's being told a bit better he is told about soulmates. In return, Tony tells them about how he has the 'coolest' soulmate. 

He has long gotten over the bad interaction even if he never again tries to interact with his soulmate's reflection, other than simply observing, not wanting to anger them again. 

Tony describes the person in the mirror with skin like his mother's dress and eyes like her rubies, to Jarvis when prompted. It’s concerning, to say the least. When Jarvis mentions it to the boy’s father, Howard begins to call in child psychologist after child psychologist. But none of them understand why Tony says his soulmate looks like that and why he isn't scared of what sounds like a _demon_ in his mirror. It doesn’t make sense especially since he seems to be telling them the truth. They struggle to diagnose him. 

One day, Tony's latest doctor is overheard saying that perhaps the boy actually _is_ soulmates with a demon as punishment for the sins committed by his family. Howard stops with the psychologists after that. By now, Tony has turned five. 

Howard is at his wits ends. _This will not do_ , he thinks one night. Nothing can be wrong with his son. Not a _Stark_. He orders Anthony to be brought into his office despite the late hour. 

"Anthony, what do you see in that mirror?" Howard said stiffly.

"A person with blue skin, daddy," Tony says innocently, confused that his father had him be woken up to ask that.

"No, you don't, Anthony." Tony is even more confused by this. 

"But, I do-" 

"NO." He startles when Howard suddenly raises his voice. Tony quiets and looks fearfully to Jarvis for help where he stands by the door. Jarvis looks away. "When I ask you again, you are gonna say a simple pretty girl. Now, what do you see Anthony?" Tony isn't sure what to say. He doesn't understand why this is happening. 

"...but Dad-" He is slapped across the cheek, his father's adult hand almost completely covering his face, making his world spin. Jarvis’s hands clenched into fists. 

"What do you see Anthony?" Howard asks again. 

"A girl," Tony stammers, tears rolling down his cheeks, stinging, "A p-pretty one." 

"Good. That's how you'll answer that question from now on. If I hear anything different you will be punished for lying." As if nothing happened, Howard grabbed a folder and stood, walking towards the door where Jarvis stood like a statue. "I’m going back to work. Anthony," he paused making sure Tony was listening. "You're a Stark. Stark men don’t cry. Wipe your face." With that, he left, the door closing heavily behind him. 

Jarvis quickly picked Tony up and checked his face. It was red and hurt to touch. He carried the boy to his room, careful not to pass anyone in the halls, stopping to grab something cold to ease the sobbing boy's pain. He was up with Tony for hours trying to stop the flow of tears, whispering apologies to him, until finally, he fell asleep exhausted. It still took Jarvis another hour to release the boy from his arms.

Tony's mother was happy at the change and spends more time with him now that she doesn’t have to deal with his nonsense ramblings about a red-eyed blue man. Tony is happy for this at least, hanging onto any show of love she spares him, not knowing how long it'll last. At least one parent gave him some attention. His mother explained that she was glad he had a nice pretty girl for his soulmate and acted as if that was always the case. He acted along with her.

One day, while Tony watched his soulmate, which he now only felt safe doing when alone, he found their usually passive emotionless face instead looked… incredibly _sad_. He dared to press a hand on the glass as he studied them closely. Their face soon closed off once again and became cold with the fake polite smile that they often wore. 

Tony was filled with empathy for them. He wonders if they count as being a Stark man too since they're his soulmate. After seeing them express themself openly it interested Tony and it became a thing where he searched for a glimpse of more expressions on them any chance he got. He caught a few more sad moments and a couple of rare moments of relaxation and content. It amused Tony whenever his mate showed attitude or sass. But it concerned him when he also caught many moments of anger and frustration. Tony wondered what could be making his soulmate so unhappy? 

Over the next few years, Tony has less and less time to himself to study his mate as he also had to study his books. He is a natural genius like his father and tries to make his father proud of him with every compliment from his teachers. He never feels like he's accomplished that. But at least his understanding of the world around him grows. He takes a liking to math and science, the logic of indisputable facts gives him a sense of security whenever he begins to understand exactly how strange his soulmate situation is. 

He also uses his fixation on these subjects as a way to distract from how lonely he is. He is far more knowledgeable than anyone else his age in the states and after winning international robot competitions one after another he can begin to claim further than just the states. 

Tony is very smart, a genius even. So he rationalizes with himself that no person like the one in his reflection exists on earth and that it was more likely that he has a mental illness that makes him see stuff that isn't real than an actual soulmate out there. A voice at the back of his mind asks whether he actually believes that but he ignores it. 

He has his own little workshop now and that's where he is, working on the hardware for his next robot. He's now twelve years old and can enter more advanced contests so he's been working hard tinkering for hours now. He decides to give his hands a break from using the soldering iron and just sit for a minute when he notices his reflection in a large shiny plate of metal that he had left on his worktable. After a long moment, Tony looks away shaking the sadness out of his head and gets back to work. No time for feelings he tells himself. He has a robot to build.

As Tony gets older, self-hatred starts to build up in him. He looks at his reflection less and less, not wanting to see the evidence of how messed up he is or think about how there isn’t actually another side to the mirror. Tony blames his obvious mental illness on why his father doesn't love him. How could he? Tony must be the biggest disgrace to the Stark name as broken as he is. 

He starts acting out and whenever his antics reach the papers his father visits him. With each visit, he reminds Tony that Stark men don’t cry. After a year of this Tony listens to Howard and never cries again. Instead, he smiles. He laughs and jokes and smiles his way into the hearts of everyone that would pay attention to him. His mother loved him, whenever she spared him the time, and he loved her, and he pretended it was enough. That he was enough. 

Tony still acted out to send a message to his father that he didn’t care what he thought, but his father is smart and instead of the 'visits' he stopped seeing Tony at all outside of when he had to make a public appearance. Howard disregarded his existence almost completely and showed Tony who would win the _'don’t care'_ game. That proved to hurt more than the visits. 

Tony still never cried. He swore to himself he didn’t care while at the same time pouring his all into his education. He was in M.I.T at fifteen. All he got was a nice letter from Jarvis and an article on the front page of _The Times_ that mentioned that his father _also_ started his higher education young, at age _fourteen_. The question of whether Tony is ready for University life is asked. Tony thinks to himself that he's been practicing getting shit-faced drunk since he was thirteen so he should be plenty prepared. 

Tony still manages to get himself in trouble in University, a new tabloid featuring pictures of him half-dressed and drunk off his ass is published weekly. This slows down a little whenever he meets his best friend, Rhodey, who has much more sense than he does. Rhodey is special because he manages to make Tony feel less lonely and he doesn't make Tony feel like he's only friends with him because of his last name. He treats Tony like a person, not a _prodigy_. 

Tony still smiles his way through life, that is, until the day he sees on the news that he is now the CEO of Stark Industries. _That's_ when he finally cries. Not for his father, but his mother who he knew loved him on some level even if she barely knew him. He was still her son and not just her heir. He cries a little for his father just because he knows that he never managed to make him proud or even _care_ before he died. He'll never know if it was ever possible.

This is when Tony starts to take life seriously. He has to prove himself now. He's gonna have people look at Stark Industries and think _Tony Stark_ not _Howard Stark’s son_. He grieves for a few days before announcing his intentions to make Stark Industries bigger and better than ever. It feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders and he only just turned eighteen. Good thing his godfather, Obadiah, is there to help him. Obadiah _believed_ in him. He trusted Tony's abilities and so Tony trusted him. 

* * *

Loki hasn’t looked at his reflection in _years_. He perfected averting his eyes whenever he's faced with something reflective. The avoidance is as easy as breathing now. He is content with never having to see that _mortal_ again. That is, until one night when he gets incredibly drunk, which is pretty rare for him, but to be fair he is at an all-time low mentally. Thor is getting closer and closer to becoming _King of Asgard_. Thus he's feeling _extra_ self-destructive, and Loki wants to _wallow_ in it. 

So he conjured a mirror in front of him and steeled himself. When he finally peers at the boy he’s been successfully avoiding for years he’s taken aback when he sees a young man instead of a child. Immortals age slowly so at his age an Aesir would still be a toddler. He curls his lip at the blatant display of their mortality and weakness. He looks even closer wanting the pain it brings him. _Craving_ it. 

Loki notices how tired the mortal looks and how it doesn't fit his young face. The weight his shoulders seem to carry is odd for a boy of his age. Yet, he wore a bright smile, and only one as adept at observation like Loki could tell how fake that charm really was. For a moment, Loki wondered about his soulmate's life. But he stopped the thought before it could begin to fester. 

With a wave of his hand, he wiped the mirror out of existence and with it wiped the boy from his mind. That was enough wallowing. He felt like making someone suffer tonight. He started to plan an ugly trick that would end in tears and heartbreak, ignoring the tired brown eyes that kept popping up in his mind. 


	3. Made and Unmade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, you will see the rise of Ironman and the fall of Loki. They are both faced with the possible loss of each other before they could even begin to know one another. What will it take to bring these two souls together at last? The answer might be far too much for Earth to handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please mind the tags, you will see some canon near-death experiences, torture, and Loki's attempt at suicide via The Void. Where this chapter takes place chronologically is during Ironman (2008) and Thor (2011). Also, keep in mind that during the events of Thor the events of Ironman 2 have already taken place. I will be majorly diverging from the canon timeline in the next chapter so check the author notes for that chapter for clarification.

Tony hasn’t thought of his soulmate in years now. He hasn’t even seen his true reflection since he created false ones using cameras that showed a high definition live video instead of a reflection. After all, one can't get as perfect a shave as his while blind. 

The media still occasionally asks about his soulmate and he gives them all the same story. The only thing he sees in the mirror is himself. As far as anyone is concerned there is no Mrs. Stark out there, all the world assuming she must have passed away before he could find her. Without a soulmate, Tony has been free to whore around as much as he pleased without  _ too _ much controversy. 

The only one who knows the truth is Rhodey, due to a single night of drunkenness that led to Tony revealing his complicated situation. Since then, Rhodey gave up trying to talk to him about it, but the look he gives Tony whenever catching him with his latest floozy has a touch of sadness to it that Tony tries not to notice. When there's no project or stranger keeping him up, sometimes Tony dreams of blue skin and red eyes that he wakes up from feeling empty and cold, but a pint of whiskey makes him forget even those. 

Tony has everything he could ever want in life. He is the biggest weapons manufacturer on the  _ planet, _ a renowned genius, and when anyone hears the name Stark they think of  _ him,  _ not his father. Of course, he couldn’t erase Howard completely but when he's mentioned in articles it's  _ him _ being compared to  _ Tony _ and coming up short. 

Unfortunately, having everything doesn't include the person that deserved to see him make it there the most. He had to bury Jarvis years ago, but not ready to let him go quite yet Tony performed his greatest feat. He breathed life into the most advanced artificial intelligence ever created, and he named it JARVIS. 

That's who he spends the most time with, who he lets see every facet of himself. Who needs healthy emotional connections with human beings when you have a sardonic, and practically living, computer to banter with at four am? That's what you can find Tony doing in his workshop currently, while triple checking the schematics for his newest weapon, the Jericho Missile. He had to showcase the missile for the U.S. Military in two days and he used that for his reason why he was still up. 

"Once again, there are no mistakes to be found, sir." JARVIS relays. 

"Of course, there isn't,  _ I _ made it." Tony says smugly, "But, better safe than sorry, old pal. Run it again."

"Sir, may I share a deduction I've made based on the last three diagnostic scans I've run?" JARVIS goes on without waiting for Tony to answer, "At this rate, the most likely malfunction to occur during the presentation of Jericho is the presenter falling asleep midway through it." 

Tony sighs, knowing the A.I. is right. He should sleep now, Lord knows he won't be able to in the uncomfortable humvee transporting him to the middle of the Afghanistan desert where the demonstration will take place. But then he remembers how big and empty his bed is. 

"You underestimate me, Jay. A few cups of coffee and I'll be fit as a fiddle, ready to demonstrate those military guys right out of their camo socks." Tony says, taking a sip out of his mug to accentuate his point. JARVIS points out the faults in this plan of action and the rest of the night is spent bickering with the AI until the sun rises. Finally, as seven am rolls around, Tony gives in to the AI's pleads and passes out on the couch he has in the lab for this reason. The sleep is dreamless, his brain too exhausted to do much more than rest.

* * *

Loki is startled from his sleep and finds himself drenched in a cold sweat. This rude awakening is accompanied by a horribly  _ intense _ feeling of dread. He has the unshakable need to check his reflection and after a few short moments of trying to resist the feeling, he relents, conjuring a mirror in front of him. Loki has no clue what to expect as he hasn't seen the mortal in years. In no way could he have expected  _ this _ .

He can't help but gasp at the image that is presented to him. A familiar man, dirty and pale. His naked chest covered in red, a gaping wound where his heart should be. The shock stole Loki's breath away. All he could do is stare in mute horror as the man screamed and thrashed around in his unconscious state. 

Suddenly, the man started to convulse and Loki watched the image in the mirror flicker until it only reflected his own pale face, dull green eyes staring back at him. He shattered the mirror. He couldn’t get a hold on his thoughts. He felt grief, he felt confused, and most of all he felt  _ anger _ . Age or his own hand was supposed to be the mortal’s end. Not whatever  _ that  _ was. 

Of  _ course _ , the mortal was so weak as to not even survive until his timely death?  _ Worthless _ . As his anger raged on, a thought occurred to Loki. Shouldn't he be happy? Finally, the smear on his soul was gone. Isn't this supposed to be freeing? His rage dissipated and he tried to listen to that part of his brain, but a louder, and more confusing, part of him was in  _ despair _ . 

Eventually, logic won over the war in his thoughts. He cannot grieve a stranger. He was sad only because he was now alone in the world, doomed from the start of his life to never have a proper soulmate. He didn’t actually  _ care _ for the mortal. He can move on with his life, now. 

Loki wiped away the tears he was horrified to find flooding from his eyes and he dropped a large shard of glass he was even  _ more _ horrified to find clutched in a bloody fist. He cleaned the mess he made and took a few seconds to heal the wound. It wasn't his best work as a sliver of shiny skin was left in the cut's place, scarring his palm. 

As he lay in the dark of his room, sleep evaded the god. He stared lazily at the scar, the only evidence of what had occurred that night, a trauma only to be shared with himself. A reminder of what he once had, yet, was never meant to have at the same time.

* * *

Tony was fighting for his life, blinking in and out of consciousness from the burning pain in his chest. He could only see his surroundings in flashes, his eyes unable to stay open, and in those flashes, he could see a mirror above where he's laying. How did he end up from the desert to a metal table?

In the mirror, he saw a man who seemed to be preparing him for surgery, but what really caught his eyes was the blue figure with large red eyes staring right into Tony's, filled with shock and fear. Tony was almost  _ glad _ to not be able to see himself, it must have been quite the sight if  _ that _ expression was anything to go off.

It was then that Tony heard a loud noise aside from what must have been his own screams and the pain in his chest spiked. His subconscious makes the connection that the noise is coming from his heart monitor flat-lining. He could feel himself convulse and his chest seized right around where his heart should be. Then, as easy as one moment shifting into another, Tony felt absolutely nothing at all. His mind emptied, red eyes the last thing on his mind until even that was gone. 

* * *

It's been a few days since Loki saw his soulmate for the last time. While he has become freer with where his eyes wander he still outright avoids mirrors, not wanting to see his own face and feel the disappointment and emptiness that came with it. Loki is sharing a meal with his family and pretending to listen to the boring story Thor was trying to tell him when he finds himself zoning out into his ale. It takes him a moment to process that it was  _ not _ his own face looking back at him from its amber surface. 

Loki pales as he stares at the haggard-looking, but none-the-less,  _ alive _ man. He was thin and his facial hair was growing out in odd lengths. How did he survive that wound? Loki thought to himself in shock. He  _ watched _ the man die. 

Loki feels eyes watching him and fixes his expression to one of passive disinterest once again. When he doesn’t slip again he can feel the eyes leave him. Inside, though, he is still reeling. It was mildly irritating that he couldn't move on like he decided to do but he also caught himself somehow feeling overwhelming relief. 

Loki smiles along with his brother, still not hearing the tale he’s boasting about. Thor smiles back, misunderstanding the source of Loki's mirth to be comradery. Loki can't say he quite understands it either but he doesn’t want to think too hard on it. He does let one thought through, and that thought is that _ maybe _ his mortal isn’t as weak as he had assumed all this time.

* * *

Loki is suffering and he has been for years. He tried and  _ tried _ but nothing ever  _ worked _ . But now he understands why. Why he was never meant to make Odin proud and why he never felt equal to Thor. The reason behind why he felt such  _ anger _ and contempt towards the people around him. He was a  _ monster _ , has been a monster his whole  _ life _ , and how could a monster ever stand next to Thor? Or even  _ behind _ him? 

Loki was never meant to be Asgard's King, he knew that, but now he also knows that he wasn't even meant to be  _ alive _ . No, he was always meant to end up where he was right then. Below Thor, below Odin, teetering above his own death. His thoughts were confirmed by the Allfather himself with only two words.  _ No, Loki _ . He looked at the man he had thought to be his father. Then he looked into Thor’s eyes as he told Loki to  _ hold on _ . For what? There was nothing left for him, nothing worth holding onto. Loki thought briefly of his soulmate and the irony of the mortal outliving him. 

With one last look at what used to be his family, his whole  _ life _ , Loki let go. The void seemed to reach for him, pulling him even quicker into its fatal depths. The nothingness swallowed Thor’s screams for him and it didn't take long until it also swallowed his own.

* * *

Tony was trying to make the best out of the event he was forced to attend. It’s crazy just how many of these things he still has to attend since he handed over the company to Pepper. He was enjoying a particularly  _ strong _ drink, sitting at the gala's bar, chatting up some ass-kissers when he suddenly feels like his feet have given out below him. It felt like Tony was free-falling without a parachute. He gets dizzy from the disorientation almost becoming sick on the spot and he’s not even  _ that _ drunk yet. 

He briefly wonders if he's been drugged as he excuses himself and stumbles to the washroom to catch his bearings in private. He's grateful that it’s empty and he locks the door behind him. He is trying to calm his heartbeat, and anxiously places a hand over the glowing new addition in his chest when he notices his reflection in the corner of his eye. He was used to ignoring the blue always in his peripheral vision whenever mirrors couldn't be avoided. That is why he's thrown off when the blue  _ isn’t _ there.

Tony rushes to the mirror and he watches  _ himself _ pale. He lightly touches his own face watching the mirror-image reflecting the same movement. He couldn't believe his eyes. He felt sick. The alcohol he's already consumed that night didn't help so he vomits in the sink. 

It isn't lost on the genius what this means. The likelihood of mental illness just magically healing itself after a  _ lifetime _ was next to impossible. It must have been  _ real _ the whole time. 

How long have they been gone? How long since they... Tony tried to think. He could have sworn he saw blue in his peripheral vision just a few hours ago when passing mirrored shop windows. It had to have been just now when that weird falling sensation came over him. Tony heard that sometimes you can feel weird things when your soulmate dies but it was incredibly rare. 

Tony realizes that he’s just been standing there crying when there's a knock at the door. Quickly, he rinses out the sink the best he could and splashes cold water on his face. Then he runs out of the room, ignoring everyone trying to talk to him and races home where he can get proper shit-faced. Lord knows he needed it right then.

* * *

Loki felt like he’s been falling for years. It  _ feels _ like he’s spinning but it's impossible to tell up from down in the unforgiving nothingness that surrounded him on all sides. When he looks into the void he sees everything and nothing at all. He is made and unmade, he is numb and in pain, he is alone and with the Yggdrasil herself. How could he have known that he wouldn’t die from falling into the void? Why won’t he just  _ die _ ?

He’s more than half-mad by the time the Other finds him. Then the  _ true _ suffering starts. Loki realized early in that he has never truly experienced torture before. Not like  _ this _ . Or has he? He can't remember. If he has it pales in comparison to what the Other does to him. He doesn’t just torture his body but his  _ mind _ . Loki’s fortifications he had in order to keep other beings from his mind fell away in the void long ago. Was it long ago? He’s unsure. 

Loki feels a presence in his mind even stronger than the Other’s; The Mad Titan. The Other felt like a lover’s sweet embrace whenever  _ he _ gave Loki his attention. It's during one of these times, after a particularly painful session with the Other that had Loki thinking semi clearly for once when the Mad Titan says something that fills Loki's veins with pure ice. The Mad Titan always drones on whenever he's holed up in Loki's mind but this time is different than the usual talk of his grand scheme of courting death. 

_ Who is this peeking at your soul, little god? Why would a  _ mortal  _ be able to see you in a place like  _ this _? _ He projects into Loki’s mind, contemplatively. Loki looked around for the first time in a while but he could not see his soulmate in the void with him. But somehow the mortal could see Loki and Thanos could see  _ him _ . Loki screamed, or was it a whisper? He could not tell in the void. He looked to where he thought his soulmate was watching and tried to tell him, no, do not look here mortal only death can be found here. Then, because he knew he would not be listened to, Loki dragged himself deeper into the grasp of the void where his mortal couldn’t even begin to find him. In a futile attempt to keep Thanos from tracing him back to Midgard. 

Loki heard the Other chuckle darkly.  _ Too late, little god. We have  _ plans  _ for you now. _

* * *

It's been a little over a week since Tony ran out of that event and since then he has continued to ignore Pepper and Rhodey’s attempts to get him out of his private rooms. He had Jarvis put him in full lockdown, only reassuring them that this isn’t another thing where he’s secretly dying. Otherwise, he refuses to talk to anyone about what he's been dealing with. How does he even begin to explain that he's grieving for a soulmate that he previously claimed doesn't exist? A soulmate that he convinced himself he had been  _ hallucinating _ for most of his life. He’s insane. He knows he’s lost it for sure whenever he orders a mirror to be put in his bedroom. 

It arrived hours ago but he can’t face it yet. Can't face it  _ sober _ . He finally moved to where it is but he just sits in front of it, his eyes closed. To the outside observer, it would almost seem that he was asleep if it wasn't for the bottle of whiskey in his hands that he fiddled with. With a deep shaky breath, he opens his eyes and he sees… himself. He tried not to be disappointed, he  _ knew  _ it already, but he just had to see it again. He had to make sure.

Tony cries, ignoring the voice in his head saying that Stark men don't cry. He doesn't feel like a man. He feels like a boy. A boy who just saw his soulmate smile genuinely for the first time and rushed to tell his only friend, an old butler, about it. He doesn’t know how long he's been sitting there but he continues to stare at his own face no matter how blurry it gets. 

But, like all things, the tears don’t last and all he’s left with is a headache. Now Tony just sat there looking at the light emanating from his chest. Until he notices the image in the mirror distort slightly. He tilts his head and it doesn't change so he rubs his eyes and sits up in order to see better. Still no change. He must be losing it for real now. 

Then all of a sudden he watches his features begin to shift around. His face becomes sharper and gradually his skin color is replaced with a familiar blue one. Once the shifting stops, what's left is the unmistakable form of his soulmate. Familiar, except for the condition they're in. 

Their expression is one of fear, of pain, of  _ hopelessness _ . There's more than a small touch of madness to their eyes as they silently cry out in misery. An unseen force tortured them, burning and cutting their thin body eliciting Tony to scream  _ stop _ to an empty room. He ignores JARVIS asking what's wrong, unable to hear the AI over his own blood pumping in his ears. 

Tony's tears return and he weeps, rubbing at the ache he could now feel in his chest. Tony could practically feel sand scratching at his skin even though he knows it's not there and that he's left it behind in Afghanistan a few  _ years _ now in the past. Oh, how Tony wishes he could simply jump in his suit and fly to them. What good is becoming Ironman if he can’t even save his own soul mate? 

Where are you, he begs the mirror to tell him. Can't be anywhere on Earth despite how insane as that concept sounds. But like they somehow heard his pleas Tony sees his soulmate’s eyes widen and pale further. They look right into Tony’s eyes and mouths no before Tony is suddenly looking at himself in the mirror once again. He was shell shocked.

What. The.  _ Fuck _ . He’s lost it. He’s certifiably crazy. There's no  _ way _ any of that just happened.  _ Nope _ .  _ Can’t deal. _ Tony starts to laugh, a crazy, broken laugh. He decides that he should go to sleep. That he  _ needed _ to go to sleep in order to avoid any more drunken hallucinations. That  _ must _ have been what had happened. 

Tony requested JARVIS have the mirror removed and he makes the decision to forget he ever had a soulmate in the first place.  _ Really Tony? _ He thought to himself,  _ an alien? _ His illness must be getting worse. Perhaps, it’s an effect from the new arc reactor in his chest? That's a probable enough reason for Tony to try and rationalize what he's experienced. 

So now he lays in bed and waits. He waits, and waits, and waits until finally, sleep takes him. If he dreamed at all that night he doesn’t remember it by the following evening when he wakes. Then he emails Pepper and goes back to work. After all, as the new consultant for this Avengers Initiative thing, S.H.I.E.L.D. has roped him into he has plenty to busy himself with. 


	4. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explanation of update delay.

First off, I'd like to thank everyone for the comments and kudos on my first serious story. All of the positivity and support has been helping me a lot during this hard time in my life. 

Secondly, I would like to ensure everyone waiting on an update that it WILL come, I will NOT be abandoning this story I already have it all planned out and the motivation to continue is still there. 

But unfortunately I am not sure when I'll have the space or the mental capacity to work on it and post as I'm dealing with the threat of homelessness connected to a very painful fallout with my family. I'm sure you can imagine how scary and difficult it is trying to find somewhere to live on short notice during a pandemic. 

Please be patient with me as soon as I'm in a more stable mental space I'll be updating again, I promise. I still have a lot of Frostiron love, mischief, and adventure to share through my story. Thank you guys for continuing to stick with me. See you next chapter!

(This will be deleted and replaced with update when it's ready.)


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